Husband, You can be amazing pillars of strength and support during our pregnancies, or you can make us want to rip our gorgeous prenatal locks out. We know you don’t mean any harm (and that you can’t possibly understand what we’re going through when we’re growing a human inside ourselves), but there are ways to go about things, dudes. We love you to death — hey, so much we made a baby with you! — but here are 12 things you should and shouldn’t do when your wife is pregnant.

Do tell your wife she’s beautiful.

The whole giant belly thing may not be your bag, but not only is your wife doing all the work right now, she probably feels more vulnerable than ever. Say, “You’re pretty.” Not that hard.

Don’t get drunk in front of your wife.

No one says you have to stop drinking just because your wife can’t, but as a common courtesy, maybe don’t wind up lampshade-over-the-head hammered. Bonus tip: That’s not a great look when we’re not pregnant too.

Do go out of your way to help out in any way possible.

Seven magic words when your partner is pregnant: “What can I do to help, honey?”

Don’t ask her why she’s being such a bitch.

You know what, don’t do that ever, dudes. Not cool.

Do offer to rub her feet and/or legs occasionally.

There really is nothing more heavenly than a foot rub when you’re pregnant.

Don’t walk three steps in front of your wife when she’s with-child.

Pregnant women waddle. They’re slow. Deal with it. (And, hey, it’s good practice for when you have kids.)

Do read a baby book or two.

It’s hard to get as excited as the mom-to-be before the baby comes, as there’s not much you need to do, so educate yourself, and do something (on your own) to show your interest. You partner will be delighted to see you perusing The Baby Book when she walks in.

Don’t ask your friends what it was like when their wives gave birth, or how little sleep they got.

It’ll just freak you out. You’ll be fine.

Do surprise your wife by bringing home a pint of her favorite rose water ice cream.

Every woman loves surprise gifts. Every pregnant woman loves surprise gifts she can eat.

Don’t brush off your wife’s baby concerns with dude-isms like, “Ahh, we’ll figure it out.”

Yes, you will figure it out. But she just wants to talk. Indulge her.

Do answer your phone. Always.

Especially near the end of the pregnancy.

Don’t worry.

You’re going to be a great dad. Promise.

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