Let’s face it. Every couple has its bad days. We all give in to arguments and some… well, some can stir up a heated argument. That being said, fighting is human nature and healthy even. Although, there are some things that are an absolute no-no when it comes to fighting. These can kill a relationship and no one wants things to come down to that. Nevertheless, there are some ways to ‘fight fair’. Below, is a list of all the things you MUST avoid doing when you get into a fight with your spouse.
1. Stop with the name-calling
As arguments get more intense, everyone feels tempted to do this thing we did as children – ‘name calling’. Although, it is important to realize we aren’t children anymore. Moreover, as an adult hearing insults like “you’re a *insert harsh adjective*” is never nice to hear. Especially coming from a partner they care for and trust deeply. These mean insults tend to stick with a person and can be extremely hurtful – more hurtful when it comes from a loved one.
2. Do not dig up the past
No matter to what extent the argument is related or unrelated to a past incident, it is never okay to open up old baggage. Chances are your spouse is already kicking himself for what he did in the past, and the last thing he wants is for you to keep bringing it up. Learn to let things go. When it comes to a relationship it’s always best to leave the past behind us.
3. Silence that silent-treatment
This age-old trick to get back at someone hurts the most and is ineffective ways in resolving an argument. If one is not open about what he or she is feeling, how is your spouse supposed to figure it out and fix the problem when they are unaware of what the problem is. When in a relationship, it is important to keep in mind that your partner cannot read your mind. You have to tell them what you are feeling and figure out how to make things better.
4. Do not generalize
Using phrases like “You never help me” or “You always do this” only extends the argument with your partner justifying when they did or didn’t do what you’re accusing them of. Moreover, this only leads to further accusations from both sides, and the fight gets out of hand and you are no longer fighting about the same thing. This brings me to my next point.
5. Do not stray from the topic
It is very easy to meander towards another issue when in an argument. Don’t do it. Try your best to stay on the topic of the argument. This is the best way to resolve the issue faster and let the argument die then and there without making it a bigger issue by adding more fuel to the fire.
6. Don’t fight dirty
We are all aware of some things that you know will hurt your partner deeply. It’s like a button you know you shouldn’t push, but you do it anyway in the heat of the moment. If you do this, it is definitely something to work on. We all know you don’t want to hurt your partner, so make a conscious effort not to. It is extremely unfair to kick them when they’re down. So it’s best to avoid bringing up such things ever in an argument.
7. Never bring it down to appearances
This is a common tactic most couples give in to without being aware of how hurtful it can be. Don’t insult your partner about their appearance. It is irrelevant, unnecessary and straight up mean. Don’t draw attention to the fact that they are losing some hair or gaining weight while in the middle of an argument. You can address these issues in a nice way any other time. However, now is not the time to bring them up.
8. Never compare with other couples
Remember that your relationship is yours, which makes it unique. Stop comparing yourselves to another couple. They are different people and hence, go about things differently. There is no need to draw comparisons and make each other feel inferior to the other couple.
9. Do not bring up the other’s family when not required
Unless that’s what the argument is about, do not bring up your partner’s family. Family and friends are probably a sensitive topic to a person and bringing them up will only make one more defensive. Think about it this way, how would you feel if your spouse spoke ill of your loved ones. If you don’t want to hear it from them, don’t say it to them.
10. Don’t forget to respect your partner
Things get intense and the argument might’ve already gotten out of hand, but that’s no reason to treat your partner with any less respect than you would otherwise. Remember, this person will be your husband/wife after this fight dies too. Don’t give in to ways of demeaning them and making them feel like they don’t deserve any respect.