Motherhood is a considered to be a joyous time for mothers. Everything’s perfect! Your baby is as healthy as ever. You and your spouse are slowly getting used to the massive change that parenthood brings, or rather, throws at you. However, there is one thing that won’t seem as perfect – Your mother in law’s constant disapproval of everything you do. “Beta, this is not how it’s done.” Or “Beta, I used to do it differently” or maybe, “Why can’t you learn from your sister in law? She’s such a good mother.” Oh my god, STOP ALREADY! Here are a few things you are bound to face if you live with your mother-in-law.
Of course she’s older and a whole lot more experienced, and you value her opinions. Though, constantly nagging you or casting disapproving looks every now and then, or comparing you to others isn’t helpful. It only drives you crazy and makes you want to run away.
If this is your first child, your in-laws are bound to poke their large noses into your business. According to them, experience makes them good mothers. Yeah, right! The truth is, since this is your first child, you are obviously going to make mistakes. But that’s how you learn. Insisting that you do things their way and them forcing you to let them do it for you only makes matters worse. We would suggest that you sit them down and have a good chat. Tell them that you appreciate their help and that you’re going to ask for it when you need it. That should get the message across loud and clear.
3. Family values
Each family is different and has its own set of values and traditions. You’ve been brought up a certain way and your husband’s upbringing might be completely different. Now, while that doesn’t usually cause conflicts, it can cause misunderstandings. For instance, let’s say that as a child, you were not used to seeing your aunts and uncles around always. But maybe here, at your in-laws’, it’s a “mi casa es su casa”(My house is your house) thing going on. Your in-laws might be expecting you to call them up everyday and update them on what’s going on.
4. United fronts
This is something we all face. Your husband, instead of siding with you, might just agree with his mother on most of the things she says. Look, at the end of the day, most sons are simple mamma’s boys and there’s nothing you can do about it. To them, no matter how hard you try, you can never be as good as their mom was. They might go so far as to compare you with their moms. While this might get on your nerves, you need to stay calm and deal with this the matured way.
Having your in-laws around all the time can be an intrusion in your private time. Now that you’re a mom, you’re not getting adequate time with your spouse as it is. You’re both trying to get through the day as best as you can and still managing to find a little time for yourselves. It can be really annoying if your in-laws encroach on this private time that you and your husband desperately need. But of course, they’ll say love you and only want the best for you, which is true most of the time, and technically, there’s nothing you can do about it.
6. Constant comparisons
If you have a sister-in-law who already has a child, we wish you all the best. Your in-laws are going to be comparing you to her day in and day out. To them, she epitomizes the perfect mother, while you are the example of the confused first time mom who doesn’t know what’s to be done. They might even suggest that you take her advice for the tiniest of matters. The best way to deal with this is to be completely indifferent. If you try to lash out or speak against it, you become the bad person. No matter how tough it gets, or how unbearable it seems, you are going to get through it. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinions and never take things lying down!