There are some things you’re prepared to tell your kids to do. These are things you expect to have to say at one point or another. Though, there are also those things you’d never have thought you’d be saying to your little one. Although, in all fairness, those are very context dependent, and our little ones love providing us with these strange contexts.
Here are some hilarious things parents have had to say to their kids.
1. Stop haunting the aunties and uncles! (She kept whispering spooky things and running away.)
2. The TV only works when it’s raining. (He would otherwise refuse to move from the living room.)
3. Stop licking Bubbly! (The cat, who allegedly needed a bath.)
4. Get your brother out of the cupboard! (He needed a timeout apparently.)
5. If you keep eating Bruno’s food, he’ll be very hungry and might eat you instead. (Bruno is their dog.)
6. Chiny doesn’t like wearing makeup like mumma! (Chiny was the cat and their daughter was an ‘artist’.)
7. A ghost did not fight with your sister. (She had nail marks on her arm.)
8. Next time you want to dry something, give it to me or papa. Don’t put it in the microwave. (Who knew one could have a two-in-one microwave-cum-dryer?)
9. You’re only allowed to say 2000 words a week. If you finish them, you have to wait till next week to be able to talk. (He was very very talkative. It was for his own good.)
10. If you don’t learn how to read, your voice will stop working. (Worked like a charm.)
11. You can wear one of papa’s hats, put the diaper down. (She wanted to look like a motorcyclist and a diaper was the best helmet she could find.)
12. There’s a TV channel for every person, so I can see what you’re doing all the time. (Had to make sure he was a good boy and good to his classmates.)
13. Don’t cry! Pedigree and jam aren’t the best combination to eat. (The little chef was experimenting.)
14. If you touch that, you’ll turn into it and it’ll come alive to take your place. (To avoids mishaps in the crockery section of any store. The kids were very curious and had a compulsion to touch everything.)
15. Stop telling mum that I didn’t feed you lunch. (A clever little girl’s trick to get more food.)
16. Don’t cry! You’re not getting sucked into the ground. (When he saw his shadow.)
17. God switches off all the children’s lights at 9 PM and if you’re awake after that, he’ll send the sandman to take you away forever! (Scared them into bed by 8:30… for about a year until they decided to risk it and caught the lie.)
18. The police switch off the internet every day and if you try going on it after 6 PM, they’ll arrest you. (The Internet is like drugs for children.)
19. If you water it and take care of it properly, it’ll turn into a kitten. (A father, referring to a rock, to his daughter who’s allergic to cat hair)
20. No, you don’t have a secret sister who lives in your nana’s cupboard! (Don’t even know where she got that idea from.)
21. If you don’t brush your teeth, the tooth fairy will make them rot and fall off by your next birthday. (Just a wee bit of exaggeration…)
Sometimes, little white lies are necessary. At least until our little ones can understand any logical reasoning behind what we ask them to do… or not to do.