I was always fond of babies right from my childhood.Their tiny bodies and cute innocent faces always charmed me.As a kid I was always awestruck and reverential at this creation of God.Being the eldest among my cousins I was lucky enough to witness these tiny beauties right from the day they were born.The very first time I got to know the meaning of elder sis was when my first cousin was born who was nine years younger to me (Because my real brother being only a year younger we are more enemies cum friends like that of Tom and Jerry and definitely the concept of elder and younger never existed between us). And so now that I am a big sister I am more than ready to welcome this responsibility.So whenever we used to meet I would see my masi how she was taking care of the baby right from feeding to changing diapers to singing lullabies and would try to imitate almost every possible thing.Even my elders started to tease me that I am behaving like Dadi of the newborn. But I was enjoying that phase.So at that time this thought came to my mind(though I was barely nine years old) that I’ll also do everything for my baby that too with perfection(childhood confidence you see 🙂 ).
Now when my youngest cousin was born she was nineteen years younger to me.My family lovingly calls her Aashi.Considering the age difference I felt more like her mother than a sister.I used to look after her with all my heart and the love I feel for is always eternal.I used to do every chore related to her ranging from changing diapers to singing lullabies to putting her to sleep and so on.In short except for breastfeeding her I found myself capable of doing almost every work related to her.This instilled in me a confidence or rather I should say overconfidence(now that I am 19) that I am exemplary when it comes to looking after babies.
But my this misconception got a jolt when I myself became a mother.Though my pregnancy journey was blissful with no morning sickness and mood swings in particular but the moment my little bundle was in my arms my life just changed simple changed.I was constantly on lectures of ‘do this and do that’ and so on.Moreover I was surprised where has all my motherly feelings vanished.Its not that I don’t love my daughter or wasn’t happy but something I felt was terribly missing.It then dawned on me that nothing but I was missing.I wasn’t my original self ,wasn’t the same healthy and fit girl I used to be before.Pregnancy and delivery had taken a toll on me.I felt my body was extremely feeble at that time so much that I literally required a support to hold my baby for the first time.Now that the baby taking most of your time and energy in breastfeeding with little and no rest and sleep deprived nights I was always exhausted.All the other related chores were done either by my mother or mother in law with me either feeding the baby or resting whenever I got time.Though all this was temporary but it definitely had broken my misconception or more aptly my overconfidence that I am perfect at handling babies.I was so surprised that I couldn’t handle my own daughter the way I dealt with my cousins but then the realization stuck me that I was not the whole sole responsibility taker for my cousins.Whenever I felt like resting or skiving I would simply handover them to their respective mummas but you can’t always expect others to look after your baby all the time.Its your own whole sole responsibility.
So I realized I am definitely not pro in handling babies but still everytime I try my best to do the best for my daughter.Its mother love after all 🙂
Friends do share with me what are your experiences being the first time mom.What all struggles you have gone through and what are the beautiful memories you have made!!!